Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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