I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
