Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
