About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
