I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
sex in a hospital.. check
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
