and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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