so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
