she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
