i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
