she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
