i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm too high and old for this...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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