I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Randomize