she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize