I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
