Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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