My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
