...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
