In America we eat man semen.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
