and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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