Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We left the knife in your bed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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