im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize