dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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