the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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