I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
