God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
