nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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