can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
