ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
