I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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