I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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