her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
