when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
