Who wears a wallet chain?!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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