Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the condom got lost in my hair
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
