I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
