They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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