His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
