She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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