i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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