she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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