dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
