all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
