So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
