In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
