when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
