I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
