When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
