She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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