my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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