I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
