They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
