At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
