i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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