This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
