Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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