dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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