i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
