that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
