I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
