I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
