I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
