I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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