absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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