I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
