me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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