Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize