I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm passing your future prison.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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