i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am naked and annoyed.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
