Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
