I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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