I just cut my nipple shaving
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
