Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
