i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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