I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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