AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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