I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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