I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
