Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
