We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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