her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize