Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
