you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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