True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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