I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
