frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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