whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
