you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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