I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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